I didn’t expect it. I didn’t think this was the direction my life was heading. I thought I knew the plan, and yet there I sat staring at the one word staring back at me: STAY.
I sat on the edge of the chair in my hotel room in disbelief. This wasn’t what I had planned. I was moving on. Opportunities were at my fingertips. Just a simple push of the door, and I would be starting anew.
And, I couldn’t wait.
Instead, I sat stunned looking at the word I had just written in my journal. I was praying about an upcoming change that I had so anticipated, so looked forward to, and so welcomed.
Yet, something in my heart whispered “Stay.”
As a high achiever and a goal-setter, the thought of remaining stationary is one of my worst fears. I shudder at the thought of “being stuck” in any area of my life (even though I have been countless times!). Forward progress is the name of the game, but now the game had changed.
Initially, I felt like like an athlete who had been benched by the coach. I wasn’t going to be going to be called up to the batter’s box to hit a home run. I was confined to the dugout until further notice.
But then, I realized that “staying” often requires more of us than leaving.
Staying requires:
- Fortitude. Merriam-Websters defines fortitude as “strength of mind that enables a person to encounter…adversity with courage.” Staying requires a mental toughness that is forfeited if we choose to leave before it is time (I am not referring to situations/relationships that are harmful or abusive–simply seasons of life when we thought we were moving on).
- Vision. People often leave places because they lack a vision for the future in their current season of life. Staying requires us to dig deep and envision a new future in the same place.
- Confidence. When we are called to stay, we have to rest in who we are, not what we do. Staying is not about our performance. Staying requires knowing that who we are is more important that where we are.
Staying requires knowing that who we are is more important than where we are.
So, what do we do when we are called to stay but would rather go?
- Be honest with yourself. Lean into the grief of unmet expectations. It’s okay to be disappointed that your plans didn’t come to fruition, even if you chose to stay over leaving. Pour out your heart in prayer, in your journal, or even to a loved one or friend.
- Recognize that staying has a purpose. While you may have envisioned the next season of your life in forward motion, the reality is that heeding the call to stay where you are comes packed with purpose. Although you might not understand the purpose until you look back, you can rest in knowing that you responded to a higher calling that superseded your temporary plans.
- Position yourself to envision new ways of thinking, seeing, and being in the middle of the familiar. Staying doesn’t mean stagnate, but it does require intentionality. Read books that give you a fresh outlook. Reach out to people in the same position for inspiration. Write out a vision of what “could be” if you let yourself dream.
I closed my journal and closed my eyes. No more wrestling. No more fighting. No more pressing forward with my own plans.
I silently surrendered to the still small voice whispering, “Stay.”
And, in that moment, sweet peace settled over my soul.
If we are going to lead where we are, then sometimes, we have to stay where we are.
Other posts on this topic:
What To Do When You’re Stuck in the In-Between
Below are some of my favorite books about living with intention:
- Pursue the Intentional Life: “Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” (Psalm 90:12) by Jean Fleming
- The Gift of Being Yourself: The Sacred Call of Self-Discovery by David G. Benner
- The Call: Finding and Fulfilling God’s Purpose for Your Life by Os Guinness
- Let’s All Be Brave: Living Life with Everything You Have by Annie F. Downs
- Restless: Because You Were Made for More by Jennie Allen
(Update: I had an overwhelming number of responses to this post from readers who were caught in the “in-between” of staying and going while others felt called to leave when they wanted to stay. Read this post how you choose and know that you are not alone whether you are called to stay or go. Either way, you are answering to a higher calling).
