This is a story that I’ve hesitated to share but I feel a small nudging to be brave anyway. It’s a story that speaks to the effects of carrying the weight of the world and the power found in the name of Jesus. I hope you’ll hear me out.
For several months I woke up from my slumber, and before my eyes would be open for thirty seconds, a sudden weight-a heaviness-would descend upon me like someone had just tossed up a blanket and covered me from head to toe.
I willingly accepted the weight of the blanket because the time between opening my eyes and the weight descending was so short that I felt I had no recourse but to receive it.
When I started to name the feeling of heaviness that seemed to rest on me, only one word came to mind.
Dread.
The dictionary defines dread as “fearful anticipation or expectation.”
We use the word “dread” loosely. “I dread sitting in traffic.” “I dread sitting in line.” But, the word itself has much more weight behind it than merely disliking or being inconvenienced by something.
When the weighted blanket of dread descended as my eyes opened, I began to realize that my day started with expectations fueled by fear before my feet ever hit the floor. I anticipated the worst. My mind wandered into the what ifs and played forwarded truly dreadful scenarios before the day even began.
You can only imagine how the rest of my day went as my heart lived in fearful anticipation of what *may* happen. What’s worse is that it happened so often that I began to wrap myself in this blanket of dread as though it were normal much like Linus carrying his blanket everywhere he went.
One morning, when my eyes opened and I began to feel the heaviness descending, I realized there was a small space between the waking and the weight.
And in that space, as dread hovered over me, I did the only thing I knew to do.
I whispered, “Jesus” and filled the in-between with His name.
And in the moment, the dread abated and the peace of His presence settled over me.
Because old habits die hard and well-worn blankets are not easily cast aside, a few more mornings of whispering, “Jesus” ensued until I began to expect and anticipate the peace of His presence in the moment and His goodness throughout the day.
The psalmist says, ““In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.” (Psalms 5:3 NIV)
By God’s grace, I started calling out to the One who hears me, laying my requests before Him and waiting in expectation on Him. The One who is holy, loving, and good.
So whether you’re like me and experiencing the daily weight of dread descending on you as your eyes open or you live in a constant state of fearful anticipation or expectation, I have good news for you.
- God hears you.
- God loves you.
- God is for you.
- And, He has good plans for you, even when you can’t see it.
I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to trade in my fear filled anticipation for faith filled expectation in the “Son of God who loved me and gave Himself for me” (Galatians 2:20).
That’s the gospel. Let’s preach it to ourselves.
Share with a friend who may need some encouragement today.
