I finally arrived home after a busy day around 8:30 pm on a Friday night. My husband was disheartened that I didn’t let him know sooner that I was going to stay late at work. Honestly, I didn’t know either. When the last person walked out of my office around 5:30 pm, and I finished dealing with one last crisis for the day, I sat down at my desk and stared at the to do list before me (along with the piles of paper that magically appeared when I was too busy to notice).
The silence of the workspace and the inward “knowing” that I was the only one left in the building (except the custodians) allowed me to do the one thing I had not had time to do all day: think.
Now, you might say, “Holly, of course you think all day. What are you talking about?” I would say, “It’s not that I don’t think all day, but what I”m really doing is thinking + making decisions all day.” The average person makes around 30,000 decisions on a given day. That’s a lot of decisions…approximately 2000 decisions per hour in a 15 hour day. So, while it may appear that I’m “thinking” in reality, I’m deciding. And, as a result, I often suffer from decision fatigue which impedes my ability to think deeply.
However, the kind of thinking I’m referring to is the kind that happens when you are alone with yourself.
This kind of thinking can’t happen in a sea of people, a swirl of decisions, or a simple break for lunch.
This kind of thinking only happens in solitude.
Me, myself, and I.
What makes this type of thinking different from the way I “think” the rest of the day?
- When I’m alone, emotions that have been pushed down by a busy schedule and the demands of life rise to the surface. As someone who has had a habit of pushing down my feelings and pushing through the day, solitude allows those feelings to move to the forefront. As I sat at my desk, feelings of doubt began to surface, and I let them. I needed to feel what had been pushed down throughout the day and then face those feelings head on with no judgment.
- When I’m alone, solutions to problems emerge with clarity. Often, my days are so enmeshed in dilemmas that I don’t have time to untangle the confusion that surrounds an issue. I find that when I am alone, it’s almost as if my mind becomes a “shape sorter” much like the one my boys played with when they were learning to put the square into the hole that fit the square, the circle into the circle, and so on. Suddenly, the problems start sorting themselves out and as that happens the right “fit” (solution) drops into the box, and I am suddenly clear on the next right step to take.
- When I’m alone, my intentions, purposes, and goals come back into focus. Once I’ve reconciled with my emotions and sorted through my thoughts, I reconnect with my true self. I remember who I am, what I am about, and where I am headed. All the things that easily get lost in the rush of the day. To quote Dr. Sasha Shillcutt, in her podcast Brave Enough, “Time spent by yourself unleashes your inner courage.”
If we are going to lead where we are, then carving out time to be alone is one of the most precious gifts we can give ourselves and others.
So what about you? How do you fit alone time into your schedule? What benefits might you find from spending time alone?
