Goals.
Most of us have them…at least at the beginning of the year. Lose weight. Eat healthier. Run a marathon. Climb Mt. Everest. Whatever the goal may be, nothing triggers goal setting like January 1st. And nothing is more disappointing than realizing that “Approximately 80 percent of people who make New Year’s resolutions have dropped them by the second week of February.”
Unfortunately, many don’t even make it that long. In fact, Strava conducted research using over 800 million user-logged activities in 2019 and predicted the day most people are likely to give up on their New Year’s Resolution is January 19.
A day referred to as “Quitter’s Day.”
Now, you may be thinking this is another post on how to keep from being a goal quitter, but you would be wrong. This is a post for those of us who are goal setters AND keepers.
I confess I’m a goalaholic. That’s why I love my Full Focus Planner…it guides my goals every step of the way by taking yearly goals and breaking them down into manageable daily chunks. I’m such a goal setter that my husband says, “Holly, your goal for me is to get me to set goals.”
Because I am an Enneagram 3, I am driven by goal setting and high performance. I thrive in situations where there’s a challenge, a crisis, or a high standard (and if there’s not one, I will create my own!).
Please note: There is a downside to this part of my personality, but I will save that for another post.
So, for the past few years on January 1 (actually before then because I’m an overachiever and want to actually start on the first), I’ve taken my planner and filled out my yearly and quarterly goals and then broken them down into monthly, weekly, and daily goals as the year progressed. Checking off each box with pride.
However, when the pandemic started, my plans plummeted. Schools shut down. Gyms shut down. Churches shut down. And, suddenly I was suffering from decision fatigue. Uncertainty suddenly took the place of the certainty I felt towards achieving my goals. And, the planner I carried with me stayed in the same place I put it on March 13…in my backpack.
Now, while this pandemic has hit all of us in one way or another, the reality is that more often the circumstances of life circumvent our goals. We don’t need a pandemic to be derailed. Life itself has a way of rerouting our linear goals into figure eights.
So, what do we do when our goals have been sidelined through no fault of our own? What are we to do when we finally pick up our planner and find that pages are blank and not one box has been checked? Do we lower our expectations, scratch through our goals, and resolve to try again next year?
Maybe.
But, I think there’s another way to navigate goal setting gone awry.
- Give yourself grace. As an Enneagram 3, I have a tendency to be hard on myself when I don’t reach my goals because I fear failure. My identity is tied to my achievement and therefore, I confuse doing with being. Jon Acuff, author of Finish: Give Yourself the Gift of Done, says that the first lie that perfectionism tells you about goals is “Quit if it isn’t perfect.” But when I step away from the perfectionism I impose on my performance, I realize that I am loved for who I am, not what I do. My goals do not define me. Therefore, I can give myself grace when my goals go awry.
- Do what only you can do. Currently, I don’t have the emotional capacity to do the things necessary to meet the goals I set for myself at the beginning of 2020. Right now, I’m focused on doing the things that only I can do, and I’m delegating the rest to capable people who are gifted in areas where I am not.
- Choose micro-goals to help move you towards your macro-goals. I get it. You set a goal. You’re compelled to reach it regardless of the circumstances. Me, too. In fact, according to Acuff, “The worst part of this whole situation is that starting goals and never completing them feels terrible.” So, instead,
I’m giving myself permission to keep my expectations–not lower, but more gentle.
What does this look like?
Well, I’ve had to readjust the goals I’ve set for myself because I’m too tired to run (more like “fast walk”) ten 5K races by December or read 60 books before the end of the year. For me, these adjustments mean that instead of reading 15 pages per night, I might only read three (if I get that far!). Instead of doing ten 5K races, I’m committing to walk for 30 minutes every day
I’m still making forward progress, but in a much kinder and gentler way that doesn’t drain the mental and emotional energy that I need to avoid decision fatigue in other areas of my life.
4. Stop looking at what you didn’t get done and celebrate what you did accomplish. Personally, I am in the habit of making lists…long lists of to dos that often include steps I need to take towards reaching my goals. The problem with my lists in this season of life is that I am usually only crossing off three out of the 10-15 things I wrote down. While in the past, I would have been disappointed in myself, I now celebrate those three things, call it good (and done!), and choose progress over perfection. I know how good it feels to reach a goal, but even more so, I know how refreshing it is to give myself grace.
If we are going to lead where we are, we must be willing to give ourselves grace and celebrate progress over achievement.
So, how about it, goal-setters?
What is one thing you will do to give yourself grace?
I’d love to know I’m not alone, so share your thoughts below.
For further listening check out Tsh Oxenreider’s The Good List Podcast, Episode 39: Seasonal Playlist
